Being a Woman

I'm thinking about the time I became a woman.
Wince at the thought because in all honesty it was horrifying.
If I remember correctly the event brought with it a mixture of fear, pain, self-consciousness and the deep desire to hide my new found femininity.
12 years later, nothing much has changed; I feel all those things. Everyday.
So does it mean that being a woman is particularly hard, or that I am doing it wrong? God only knows.
From what I've been taught by other women I'm failing. Especially when it comes to my mother I mean to her being a woman IS a full time job. You have to be both strong and weak (appeal to men), independent and reliant (appeal to men), smart but not TOO smart... WTF??
I think I'm going to keep on failing for a while yet.

Elsa